Insidious definition: proceeding in a gradual, subtle way, but with harmful effects.
One of my areas of genius is in what I call PROPER positioning. I.E. standing in your power in such a way that others (clients, partners, audience, etc.) cannot help but notice, and respond.
So, when I see women giving away their power, shying away from it, casting it aside, I immediately recognize it. And often (always with my members) call it out. Here is a top ten list, the most COMMON — and insidious — ways that women step OUT of their power. I offer this because PROPER positioning (power) is CRITICAL to profit. Here we go:
#1. We make statements into questions…
This is not a new “power leak” as MOST women have been warned against using that question mark inflection at the end of a declamatory sentence.
“I’ll leave you with the proposal.”
Becomes more permission based,
“I’ll leave you with the proposal?”
You know better. Just say it. Declare it. No need to soften your edges with a “mother may I” energy of questioning and permission. Stop it.
#2. Playing the ME TOO game.
You know what I’m talking about… ignoring your own mood, desires, preferences and even personal style as you MATCH the room around you.
Maybe it’s residual angst from “mean girl” years that has us trying to blend in… matching someone’s energy, budget, style, mood, and expectations. But regardless of where it comes from, it has to stop.
YOU have so much to bring to the table, woman. So READ the room, sure, but not so you can blend in. Read the room so you can stand out, influence and impact all of those around you.
#3. Shirking responsibility.
I don’t care if it’s for your finances, your mood, your personal safety, your results (or lack of them), you give away OUTRAGEOUS, UNGODLY amounts of power when you blame others (anyone) for ANYTHING in your life.
Be the problem,
so you can be the solution.
“If it’s to be, it’s up to me” isn’t a sob story, friend.
It’s the beginning of ALL you want to create.
Take full responsibility and you’ll operate in full power.
But only always.
#4. Your pitiful penchant for martyrdom.
Stop the sob stories.
Stand up.
Look around at the life YOU created,
the choices YOU made…
and OWN that sh*t.
#5. Indirect Asks and Vague Follow Up
If you are in business — and you do not have a trust fund or benevolent husband desperate to support you financially well into your… ahem… older years– you MUST get bold and direct.
No more proposals sent with a weak, “Let me know what you think.” Instead, “Look over the proposal and let me know if you’re ready to get started or have more questions and we’ll go from there.”
No more vague follow ups with prospects with “Just checking in on things.” Instead, “I’m re-sending this proposal to be sure you received it. If you have any questions, hit reply and shoot them over. If you’re ready to get started, pay here. Otherwise, if I don’t hear from you by ______________, I’ll assume it’s a not now.”
Don’t dial down your ask, or cloak it in power-robbing familiarity or nondescript terms. You have an ask. Ask it.
#6. Hanging around too long.
JUST LIKE WITH DATING…
when a man shows you he’s uninterested,
or ONLY interested when he’s bored or others are busy…
you GREATLY dishonor yourself by continuing to show up.
It is the same in business.
When people continue to blow you off, ghost you, keep promising a Yes, but never following through…
WALK
AWAY.
And when they come back — as they often do, because POWER (and walk away power in particular) is absolutely, undeniably MAGNETIC — there is no need to honor some fee you quoted last year. Give them the REAL fee and a deadline by which to respond.
#7. Hiding our true desires.
Admittedly, I am a woman with a high drive in ALL the areas. I have no sneaky uncles or sad stories in my background. No one ever stole my sexual power. BUT, for most of my young life, I felt the need to KEEP my desire under wraps. To play coy with what I really wanted, to “act the good girl.” (Not always so convincingly. lol… )
I married the only man who NOURISHED that desire and wasn’t at all intimidated by it. Frankly, he saw it as a plus. 😊
In business, I found myself doing the same thing, though. PLAYING COY with my real dreams. HIDING behind humble goals. All the while, RAGING with ambition…
Not so side note: I created Women Who WOW for the DRIVEN woman. Please know that your “outsized” goals are welcome here, celebrated, supported and given all they need to come to life. YOU are celebrated here. YOU and your ambition, your refusal to settle, your audacious desire to be yourself and succeed on your own terms. THIS is what ALL of us are about. So, message me to join.
Do not DENY your goals. Don’t dial them down to make them “reasonable” in the eyes of the mediocre masses. This SUCKS power from your very soul… and honestly, you’ll ALWAYS regret it in the morning. 😊
Your goals were PLANTED in your heart by a God who KNOWS you, your potential and your purpose. So, own up to them. Name them, claim them, and find a tribe courageous enough to cheer you on as you do the “impossible.”
#8. The 3-Page Introduction.
Look, if you need more than a couple of sentences to introduce yourself, you look like the pitiful man who “dost protest too much.”
Oprah doesn’t open every meeting with a resume of her successes. The top surgeons, authors, attorneys, whatever don’t feel the need to list every academic accolade, every award, every WHATEVER when they enter the room. They WALK IN confident that THEY know who they are. Their confidence needs no propping up. This IS power. Personal power.
And people notice.
Plus, those introductions that you write yourself, bragging on yourself and all you’ve done since high school…. they’re a bit silly. A lot contrived. And they SCREAM “I’d feel a lot more powerful if you knew MY version of how great I am.” lol…
Imagine walking into a room and feeling that you needed NO introduction… taking the stage with the mindset of “they’ll find out soon enough.”
#9. Not charging what we want.
I don’t care if you charge a lot or a little. I DO care that you’re charging DELIBERATELY (i.e. for scale and profit and value.) BUT lowering your price, ESPECIALLY after being asked… is a power eroder if I’ve EVER seen one.
If the price was “pay what you want,” you would have said that.
So don’t go from,
“My fees start at _________” and then
at the FIRST challenge,
acquiesce to:
“I’d like to be paid this, but I’ll accept whatever YOU want to give me, of course…whatever you think I’m worth.”
Charge what you WANT.
There’s a buyer at EVERY price point.
#10. Finally, I come to the irritant to my actual soul, the cringe-making, shockingly embarrassing videos that have GROWN UP WOMEN staring into their own phone… while half-dancing and half-shimmying… and making facial expressions to some music or even someone else’s voice in the background.
Reels and TikTok, I’m looking at you.
Newsflash, most people’s videos are on mute.
Have you CONSIDERED that we’re watching you smile and shake your head and shimmy… in silence?
Maybe your clever finger pointing (clever as in you and a gazillion other people are doing the same thing to the same song, so not clever at all) will make you “go viral,” but TO WHAT END?
Look, maybe this isn’t about your power. MAYBE you really need the attention, and you can’t face yourself without those “likes” or shares or whatever. But, please stop it. For me. 😊 I literally can’t do it anymore. it makes me gasp in horror and humiliation. It takes my breath away, literally… and in all the wrong ways.
Why not take the stage,
use your OWN words in that video,
call people to your next offer,
share some wisdom,
even make a joke or be silly…
but do it YOUR OWN WAY.
Don’t do what
every
other
woman
is doing,
to the same song or background.
Please. I’m begging you.
Bottom line: Profit has a LOT to do with your own personal power… and not handing it over in these (and more) insidious ways.
WOW is kicking off a “TRUE Success Files” intensive. It is going to be FIRE. Learn more here and join us! https://www.bmichellepippin.com/true-success-files…/ Pre-work drops on January 22nd.
