In 1973, Scott & Vickie… two kids who met at a Sadie Hawkin’s Middle School Dance… became man & wife.
On October of this year, this couple will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. I couldn’t be more proud to call them Mom & Dad. Proud, of course… who wouldn’t be? But, also, deeply thankful. These two — through their marriage, life and love for each other — continue to teach me all I need to know to be successful. In marriage, in life, and in business.
They teach me the power of DELIBERATE INTENTION.
My parent’s marriage is one of deliberate intention. Anything less would have — and often does — lead to divorce. They INTEND to stay together — DELIBERATELY. Date nights, cruises, vacations… all to build the two of them. They model that success and fulfillment is no accident, that successful marriages are built deliberately, day by day. Same is true in business, of course.
They teach me NEVER to settle.
My Mom would not want anyone to think her marriage is perfect. Far from it. There are ups and downs, ebbs and flows, hurts and healing. But, make no mistake, these two aren’t celebrating 40 years of ho-hum cohabitation designed to protect “us kids.” They’ve always been — actively — in love with one another. In periods of transition and growth and distance, they “fought” it through… never going peacefully into some rote, routine existence. Sometimes enduring. But never settling. I learned that honest communication takes many forms…. but that it was SILENCE and SETTLING that led to divorce.
They teach me that anything “worthy” comes with HARD WORK.
Marriage is hard work, my Mom would say. But anything worthy of your pursuit will require hard work. Marriage isn’t easy, she would say. But nothing worth pursuing ever is. They teach me not to look for the easy button, not because there isn’t one, but because “easy” isn’t the goal. Although, between you and me, if I ever find the big red easy button, I’m bringing it to them. =) There are no two people more deserving.
They teach me BOUNDARIES.
The other day, I had the opportunity to speak with one of my daughter’s friends’ father. Turns out, he just bought the old “Blakely’s building” as the next home for his church. Now, Blakely’s has been many things in its lifetime, but when I was in junior high it was a country western bar. And — OH — how my parents LOVED to line dance. There was a period of time when they would go up to Blakely’s fairly routinely and meet their friends to learn a new line dance and have some fun. Eventually, due to work conflicts, or whatever — some of the couples they’d meet for a night out began coming alone. You know, hubby was working so wife would come anyway. Or vice versa.
But my parents never did. They never came alone. It was just their (maybe even unspoken… I never asked) boundary. Designed to PROTECT the marriage they loved.
Now, would it have been WRONG for either of them to go without the other? No. I’m not saying that. But, what I am saying is that MOST — and I do believe ALL– of those couples who began coming alone soon divorced. Coincidence? I don’t think so. This was just one of the boundaries… that my parents –unapologetically — defended.
My own marriage is protected with similar boundaries. And so is my business.
They teach me FLEX.
My parents married when they were barely 17 years old. My Mom’s never really been proud of this fact, but for some reason it’s always been super romantic to me. As I was growing up and dating, my Mom would tell me, “Honey, what you look for in a 16 year old boy isn’t what you look for in a grown man.” She was speaking from experience, of course, and OH how right she was! =) I don’t know all of the changes my parents GREW through from 17 years old until now, but — being 36 myself — I know there were many. My parents were (and are) able and willing to FLEX to meet each other’s and our family’s needs. That same FLEX is necessary to business success, and is the TRUE ADVANTAGE of the truly small business.
They teach me COMMITMENT.
Back in 1973, these two gave each other their word. I know there were tough times. I was there. I know there are STILL tough times. But, they’re committed. Not just to “staying married” but to staying HAPPILY married.
Commitment is lacking today, in marriage, but also in business. I see so many people with one foot in and one foot out. One eye on the prize, and one eye on the exit. My parents are the both-feet-in sort. What would ANY AREA OF YOUR LIFE look like with the addition of TOTAL commitment?
They teach me that apology is important, but that forgiveness is paramount. They teach me that marriage can and should be fulfilling and fun and exciting. They teach me to pursue my dreams, defend what’s mine and to ENJOY life. They teach me that there IS absolute TRUTH. They teach me stamina and persistence. They teach me to BATTLE when it’s important. They teach me to embrace TODAY. They teach me to stay ACTIVELY engaged. They teach me to WORK. And to PLAY. With equal enthusiasm.
Their struggles, their triumphs, their day-to-day example… inspire and teach me. I’m BEYOND grateful to have them as my parents. Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone…. and — especially — to my Mister. =) And to my Mom & Dad.
