“What are you afraid of,” my coach asked me.
“I am not afraid,” was this (then) young woman’s response.
And I didn’t think I WAS afraid.
There was a time in my life when I was afraid,
and afraid a lot. Afraid of living, afraid of dying, afraid of tomorrow, but mainly afraid of what tomorrow would look like.
But, ever since this one day in my car,
alone and in college,
hand on the key in my ignition,
screaming, “F%&*&CK IT!!!”
over and over and over again…
the fear went away.
In that moment,
Fury, defiance, and a STEELY GAZE from the very deepest recesses of my soul….
replaced THAT kind of fear.
“I’ll see your challenge, LIFE,
and raise you 1000.”
THAT kind of adrenaline-producing fear,
gone.
Perhaps forever.
You can call your therapist about me later. =)
That’s not what this post is about.
THIS post is about entrepreneurial fear…
which MOST people assume is all about failing or losing or not making money.
But MY OWN entrepreneurial fear wasn’t about any of this. And most of the women I talk with would say the same.
It IS about a certain fear of success,
which I ALSO denied back then when my coach asked me what I was afraid of.
Lucky for me, he didn’t buy it. Instead, he gently showed me
how I had a story,
a certain — oddly specific — story of what me being a good mom REQUIRED,
what a noble life purpose was,
and mainly….
what
success
would
OBVIOUSLY
cost me
if I went all in.
Answer from my heart back then:
“Way too much.
Nope, I’ll keep playing small.”
This is one of only TWO primary fears I held,
back then,
and
one of only TWO primary fears that still attempt to rear their heads in my business today.
- The fear that success would take too much away from my family and marriage, and
- The fear that going all in would reveal to me that I am “just average,” nothing special, nothing smart, nothing “meant for more.”
🧛♂️The first fear is an interesting one, because it shows up as all sorts of noble and wise decisions…
🦊 The decision to “sacrifice” my goals (always with a promise of “later,” — OBVIOUSLY) while I focused on family.
🦊 The decision to go slow, you know… to make sure things don’t grow too quickly…
🦊 The decision to put this off, or that off for a “better” time.
The first fear,
I later realized,
kept me making decisions I NEVER needed to make.
The hardest truth (for me) looking back
is that I never had to choose… that success DID NOT have to “cost me.”
In fact, Success COULD have added TO my family and not taken from it.
AFTER ALL…. THIS success (is now)
and would have been then,
MY OWN CUSTOM CREATION.
I could have designed it ANY WAY I LIKE.
👩🏼💻 QUESTION FOR YOU: How is this fear showing up for you??? This fear of WILD success and what it MAY cost you?
moving on…
🧛♂️ Fear #2: The FEAR of being exposed
not as crazy (been there, done that… everyone already knows!)
not as demanding,
not as irrationally driven,
not as hard to please or hard to love or WHATEVER,
but EXPOSED…
as average.
Normal.
Nothing special.
Gulp.
This little fear was buried really deep.
What if I grew up and realized
that all those ideas I had
about life and EVERYTHING else
but mainly about myself…
those visions I had of MYSELF,
were all…
fanciful, delusional, fairy tales.
I can scarcely type the words without a certain feeling creeping deep into my gut.
So, it’s no wonder THIS little fear,
expertly hidden from plain sight,
kept me playing SO small for SO long.
Because as long as there was MORE of me to give,
as long as there were ideas I would get to later,
risks I would take later,
steps I would take “soon,”
as long as there was ALL of this POTENTIAL left on the table,
I could never look at myself and say,
“I’ve gone all in and…
found myself to be
nothing
special
after all.”
👩🏼💻 Question for you: Do you relate? Do you find yourself NOT doing the things you WANT to do and you can’t figure out why you keep doing this? Maybe this fear is hiding out somewhere in your soul.
Good news: These fears go away with a bit of stern, repeated insight.
Bad news: At least for me, these fears have a habit of returning… at each new level of success… at each new “Big Leap,” at BIG pivot moments, and also… when you see what you’ve been working towards come into view in the not-too-far-off distance.
In these moments,
your reptilian brain will try to keep you “safe.”
And for a reptile,
safe = HIDDEN, HIDING, and GETTING SMALL.
👩🏼💻 How I overcome these fears, ANY TIME I even get a GLANCE of them sniffing around my heart:
I WRITE OUT MY GOALS…
my NEW NORMAL,
and MY CHOICES.
Examples: I now choose and decide that success gets to be simple and enjoyable and rewarding. I now choose and decide that the more money I make, the more money I make. I now choose that wild success ONLY brings my family closer to each other and closer to the Lord. I now choose and decide that the wealth I’m creating is blessed by the Lord and He will add “no toil” to it. (Proverbs 10:22.) I now choose and decide that the visions I have in my heart were planted there deliberately and that I am absolutely capable of bringing them into reality.
One of the benefits of Women Who WOW membership is the daily #Entrepreneurial Espresso, which are confidence building, clarity making, cash creating prompts to start your day ALWAYS in the right direction. If you’re not yet a member, now’s the time to join. There’s no need to walk out YOUR out-sized goals alone. Your tribe is here. Sometimes afraid, but never without EVERYTHING they need to keep moving forward. Part sisterhood. Part business school. Part personal mentor. Women Who WOW is for the crazy ones. Message me.
