Last night, I was accosted and verbally assaulted by a “man” I’d never met a day in my life. I was called a whore, a b*tch… and worse. In PUBLIC.
And I was just innocently visiting with a couple other women (and their young kids) while I waited for my take out order from our amazing Mexican restaurant.
Now, this “man” clearly didn’t know some things about ME…. about my IDENTITY. He didn’t know — clearly — that I was Chris’ wife. Or Scott’s daughter. Had he been AWARE of WHO he was calling a whore, the words would have never left his mouth. Had my husband been WITH me, I’m convinced the “man” would have NEVER started with his outrageous, out of the blue rant towards a table of women and children. I assure you it would have ended very quickly had it even begun.
I wasn’t afraid or anything like that, but I was irritated. And I WISHED Chris were there. But I was mainly surprised. I’ve literally never been in a position like this where a random man thought he could speak to me in this way. A LARGE part of MY identity — etched into my soul since I was an infant — is that MEN are to be trusted…. that STRONG men protect me… that I am SAFE with men.
I had mainly male friends.
I had many boyfriends.
To this day, I could — and would– confidently place my safety or wellbeing in ANY ONE of their hands.
EACH would be able
but more importantly willing
to defend me.
(I was also– of course– equipped to defend myself with various levels of force, from a very young age. The message: you are WORTH protecting. You are PRECIOUS.)
Yes, I am fortunate… which I get. I know many woman have had opposite messages etched into THEIR souls, which I grieve. Because when something is PART of your identity, it is something that EASILY makes its way into your every day reality.
For instance, the IDEA of a man YELLING at me, CUSSING me, threatening me… was SUCH a LITERAL shock to my system… that I was literally paralyzed momentarily. It was as if I were in the TWILIGHT ZONE. Simply because THIS sort of experience is such an aberration from MY identity… of who I am, of whose I am, of what I have grown to expect.
And this is why identity matters so much.
Before I go on, consider what things are “just part” of YOUR identity.
Do you IDENTIFY as someone for whom money or fitness or nutrition or selling or worthiness is a STRUGGLE? Do you IDENTIFY as someone who is always screwed over by men, friends, or clients? Do these things seem NORMAL to you???
Or would these things be SUCH an aberration because they go AGAINST your very identity?
The things that are ETCHED into our very identities matter… and they matter a lot. THESE things determine what we eXPECT as normal. This IDENTITY determines whether we — for instance — think we’re “never going to make it” when we have a slow month… or whether we look at it as an odd aberration that means NOTHING about us.
This is why I am DELIBERATE about my identity. About the I AM statements I make in passing, and deliberately in my journaling. Because here’s a secret I didn’t learn until a couple of years ago.
If you want to make something EASY,
Make it a part of your identity. 
Make it NOT something that you DO,
but something that you ARE.
MY FAVORITE
most TRANSFORMATIONAL
most REPEATED journal prompt is this one:
I am the kind of woman who ____________________.
I’m the kind of woman who moves her body every day.
I’m the kind of woman who writes prolifically.
I’m the kind of woman who always makes the right decisions.
I”m the kind of woman who loves the life she’s creating.
I’m the kind of woman who puts her faith first.
and on and on and on.
I recently recommitted to a Keto LIFESTYLE. It’s not hard. I literally just AM the kind of woman who fuels her body with healthy fats.
to make it EASY,
make it part of your identity.
Use the Journal Prompt.
And if I can help you with this message me.
If you’re not yet a Women Who WOW member,
what are you waiting on?
Message me.
