My Mister used to hate my business. Passionately.  And it was really — mainly —  all my fault.  For anyone who is wondering how to get their spouse onboard with their business dreams, this post –documenting how I royally screwed this up — will help. But first, my story… because many have asked about it.  Quick note:  He’s fully on board now.  His NOT being on board was just due to who he was / is and how I was presenting this notion of entrepreneurship to him. Please understand that to him, back then, it was a completely ROGUE idea.  So, no hate mail to the Mister, please. =)

In the beginning, before I really thought of myself as a business owner, I’d describe Chris as ambivalent towards my business.  I was “working from home,” we weren’t paying for child care and I had replaced my former income.  So far, so good. So far, according to plan. I think he was “fine” with the arrangement, but looking forward to when I’d get a “real job” and put the kids in school.

As it turns out, I became WAY unemployable, and opted to home school. lol… But that’s a story for another day.

I’ll never forget the day I first envisioned the possibility of an online “membership.”  I was still running my HR firm with a partner.  I had heard of coaching.  My goal? An online membership to encourage and equip working moms.  $19 per month.  1500 members.  And, you know, given the SHEER NUMBERS of working moms online, I figured this would be a BREEZE.   lol…  I didn’t know SQUAT about internet marketing.  I knew less about blogging, if I knew about it at all, and wasn’t involved in social media. Let me just come out and say it:  I didn’t even yet have a website.

But I knew a man who was going to create this website for me for free / barter.

Excitedly, I shared my plans with my husband.  In my estimation, we were soon to be raking in about $25000 per month, with little to no overhead.  As I type this, I remember — in painful detail — what I am getting ready to share (for the first time) publicly.   He trusted me.  I said $25K a month, and he believed me.  I believed me too.  But, it’s my Mister’s belief that pains me today.

Let me cut to the chase.  That website never came to fruition.  It hit snag after snag.  And it never launched. Not only did I not make $25k a month. I never made $25k at all with the idea.  Heck, I never made $25 with it.

My husband then resented the time I’d already spent working on this website that was never to be… bartering for the work being done… the nights away… the time in my office.  It was all for nill.

I was disappointed over this failure to launch.  But,  I’ve always got another plan “in the works.” =) For him, though, THIS was the plan.  The first time he’d heard talk of that sort of money.  The first time he’d DREAMT of that sort of money.

And the last, for a long, long time.  I was disappointed.  But, he was heart sick. 

From there, every time I talked with him about my business, it reminded him of this story.  When I shared a plan with him, he resented the time I’d have to spend putting it into action.  He’d literally physically try to downplay his emotion to be SURE he didn’t get himself excited again.  During this time, I’d try to work while everyone else slept — essentially, STEALING time.  And then I’d get resentful.  I was exhausted, making a full time income, while nursing one kid, homeschooling two others, and NEVER having a sitter. I was making GREAT money from home — nothing to be ashamed about, certainly.  I wanted to invest some sweat equity to grow this thing.  And  — instead of the “Thanks, honey for doing this for our family.” I was expecting, lol… — I got quiet, brooding resentment.

Let me be honest and share that this was NOT a great time for me or for us.   I am NEARLY immune to criticism and don’t care what MANY people think of me.  But, my relationship with Chris goes to the core of who I am.  My business had become an albatross  in our marriage.  He HATED it.  In our worst times, he’d say he just “wanted me to be normal” and “get a regular job.”

Of course, HE didn’t have a “real” job either.  Not the kind he was suggesting for me.  He worked / works 9 months a year, from 815 – 345 PM.  And he DID want my income.  He also wanted me to be home with / for the kids.  I tried to explain what a real job would look like for me, for us.  But, he had no experience with corporate America. And I had no interest in it.   

I was — at my core — a self-bosser.  I wasn’t born to be tamed, to live in a cubicle, to have someone else set my hours.  I am defiant by nature.  Not even for my marriage was I willing to crawl into that box.

Fast forward… My husband picked up a Dan Kennedy book and began reading the introduction.   He hated Dan too, of course.  He hated Dan WAY more than he hated my business I think.  =) DAN was the man pouring these crazy ideas in my head.  Dan was to blame.   I have no idea what made him pick up that book? My prayers, maybe? I don’t know.  Either way, he came into our bathroom while I was enjoying a bath and reading a GKIC newsletter and apologized. He read the introduction to this book and KNEW that I was like the people Dan was describing.  He KNEW why “other normal options” weren’t going to ever be a viable option for me.  All of the sudden, he got it.

The trajectory of my business changed from that  moment on.   I MAY be the bain of the feminist movement for admitting this, but if you are IN a partnership, and your partner hates your business —  or doesn’t support it —  your business is likely to suffer. IMHO.

So, if you are reading this… and you REALLY want your spouse to get on board with your business, please follow this list of DON’Ts.  In other words, please do the opposite of what I did… because marriage is important.  And your business will ONLY go so far if impeded by a lack of support from your partner.

First and foremost, Do NOT rely fully and continually on your husband to fund your business.

Now, to be honest, I never did this.  We invested $50 in my business and I had to make it swim.  Sinking wasn’t an option.  But I talk to many many women who resent their husbands for resenting their husband-funded business.  NO, he doesn’t want to pay for you to join another mastermind… you’ve not yet covered your own expenses in business.. and it’s been YEARS.  I GET him on this.  A business is DEFINED by profit.  Make some.  If your husband can and will INITIALLY fund your start up, make good on his investment. This is just common sense… and good business.

Don’t shirk your responsibilities in the marriage / partnership.

Especially when your partner isn’t on board with what you’re doing.  I kept talking about how I was doing this / that FOR OUR FAMILY while– simultaneously —  shirking responsibilities IN OUR FAMILY.   The uncertain, future end didn’t justify the ‘right now’ means.  I stopped sneaking time while everyone slept, but got ruthless about my time so my business goals cost my family less. I put my family first.  I made some sacrifices so my family wouldn’t have to. Bottom line: my family didn’t “sign up” for this.  I did.  They didn’t OWE my business a dag on thing.  I stopped acting like they did.   THIS was an important –albeit unwelcome at the time — step to changing my family’s view of not only MY business, but business ownership in general.

Don’t force feed them business success stories about what OTHER PEOPLE are making.

Oy. I was horrible for this. I kept sharing stories with Chris about how so and so just had a six-figure month and so and so just had a 7-figure launch.  You know what?  He didn’t care. He couldn’t have cared less, in fact.  I eventually changed my tune and began printing out my own financial statements. I wanted him to know when I had my first FIVE-figure month.  And, you know what, that first five-figure month meant WAY  more to him than 1 million stories of someone else’s six-figure month.   Numbers don’t lie.  He started slowly coming around… allowing himself to dream a little with me again.  Whether it’s a check for 11 cents from your first google ad campaign or your first $50K contract, show him / her YOUR numbers, not someone elses.

Don’t give up on their partnership.

Chris and I now talk about working together, or at least both being business owners full time.  He allows himself to dream more about what’s possible.  He gets excited for my big wins… and even my small ones.  He encourages me and even lets me read to him from Dan Kennedy articles. =) While he still mocks Dan from time to time, lol… it’s only teasing and — for years — he’s gladly entertained the kids on the night I got the GKIC newsletter in the mail so I can read it cover to cover.   In short, he has accepted that Dan is the other man in my life. =)

Between you and I, I can’t imagine my Mister ever TRULY working under the Women Who WOW umbrella. =) But, I CAN see him working for himself. In his own time… and if that time never comes, I’m fine with that too.  He still makes a GREAT partner for me in life, which — of course — spills over into my business.

Hope this helps. If it does, let me know.  Because if it doesn’t, I’m going to stop being so incredibly transparent here. =) So, let me know!