It’s not that I don’t struggle with “me.”
I do.
I struggled with tremendous shame for MANY years regarding who I was (am) as a wife and mother. Let me vomit my “ugly” onto the page for a minute. =)
For example, I could never get a handle on the whole home-making thing. I joke about it now, and I joked about it then… but in my heart, I WRESTLED with why I couldn’t just “see” what needed to be done and do it.
Another example, I have two daughters and a son. Do you know I have NEVER played dolls or trucks with my kids? Not once? Getting down into the floor with them to play with toys, don’t hate me, but it never happened.
I was VERY present, but not in the “play in the floor” way. I took them on adventures, we played make believe (outside) for entire days, we played in the mud after storms. I just couldn’t bring myself to get excited, or even FAKE excitement regarding the dolls, trucks, cars, etc.
And while I’m spilling my guts,
I ALWAYS secretly looked forward to working. There were times when I’d RATHER have been working than say… nursing one kid, feeding another with one hand and answering the oldest’s incessant questions about life. =) Today, I admit I look back with a heavy dose of nostalgia. Those moments were precious. I am INFINITELY grateful that I was there for them, that I didn’t have to hear about how my kids’ day went from a sitter.
But I POIGNANTLY remember how my mind and my heart OFTEN slipped away to my work… how I looked so forward to nap time, so I could WORK, because I loved it.
I wrestled with how a Mom who loved her kids as much as I did didn’t JOYFULLY LOSE HERSELF in the whole stay at home mom thing. I wrestled with how DRAWN I was to the “other” stuff. I wrestled with how this work lit me up inside, and how other stuff felt, well… (a lot) less lit up.
I wrestled because I grew up ASSUMING
I’d be that mom. The PTA mom. (Never joined the PTA.) the homeroom mom. (Did THAT once, but it didn’t work out so well.) The booster mom. (Never joined the boosters.) The mom who brought cute snacks to school. (I always bought drinks or paper products.)
I struggled with not being the wife and mom I thought I SHOULD have been. But NONE of this came from the opinion of others. It was all self-imposed.
UNTIL…
one day…
when I just accepted and embraced ALL of me.
You know… I don’t clean the house.
And a lot of wives do.
But I love sex.
And a lot of wives don’t.
And, I’m not the best cook.
But I’m always trying healthy versions of recipes,
and I’m giving myself an A for effort.
You’re right. I never did the toy or doll thing.
But through our make believe days,
my kids learned to be creative, to problem solve. They learned how to think FAST and critically. And it was FUN.
My kids will always know how much I love my work,
how it lights me up,
but they ALSO know how my world will STOP spinning for them when necessary.
The day I FULLY embraced who I am,
how **I** was made,
is the day no one else’s opinion of me mattered.
Even today, I know
and am reminded =)
that I am NOT universally “loved.”
I get it.
But not ONE drop of my own self-worth
is in ANY WAY
even connected
with what anyone thinks of me.
I am sharing this because THIS is true freedom.
And this is also a CRITICAL shift for women entrepreneurs to make.
When you have your SELF-WORTH stuff SORTED,
you no longer depend on your business
you no longer BURDEN your business
with making you feel loved
or wanted or
desired or
good enough…
And
ONLY at that point
can you LEAD and GROW the business,
the EMPIRE you are called to create.
P.S. For the FIRST time in 2019…
I now have THREE ways to work with #womenentrepreneurs. (And it is a VERY temporary situation.)
I have one un-anticipated opening in my Project $10K program, 2 VIP days up for grabs… and — of course — doors to Women Who WOW are open. Message me and let’s talk about what you’re up to.
