I’ve recently been in the market to purchase some specific stuff. (I won’t say ALL I’m buying because I’ll be inundated with ads, pitches, warnings, etc. but my list falls into a few categories: Skin care, supplements, decor and clothes.)
Two things you should know about me:
- I’m NOT a shopper, and
- I’m a VERY loyal customer. So, it’s RARE that I’m looking for something new.
So you can imagine my SURPRISE when stumbling out of my proverbial cave, I realize that nearly every place I try to buy from is being run by a VERY effective — and equally frustrating — sales prevention department.
**Things thought, but not said preceded by 💭. **
Me: “I’d like to buy _____________.”
Them: “Cool. Tell me more about you.”
💭: ?!???!!
Me: “I’m interested in buying ___insert name of specific product___. Is there a link to buy?”
Them: “Sure. is this your first time using _______?”
💭 Nevermind.
Me: “I’d like to buy _____________.”
Them: “Excellent, here’s the link.”
💭 Thank God.
Me: “Thanks, I’ll go right now.”
Me: “how many pages of information do you need me to fill out before I get to the page to buy?”
💭 Seriously??? Can I just send you money and you send me product?
Them: “Well, this way saves X%…. and blah, blah, blah.”
Me: “Okay, i don’t care about that. I’ll pay full price. Where is the link to pay full price?”
Them: “Oh, well you’d still have to fill out the first 3 pages.”
💭 They can’t be serious.
Them: “I can walk you through the order process if you want.”
💭 OMG. I run an online business. If I have to be WALKED through the order process, there’s something wrong with it.
Me: Nevermind.
A version of this happened with not one but two companies.
Again… with a service provider:
Me: I want this, how much?
Them: $XXX.
Me: Perfect.
Also me, sends money.
Them: Great, I’ll get started when you sign the contract.
Me: I can’t open the contract. What does it say?
Them: It is just a contract that states the work and price.
Me: I’ve already agreed to the price, and paid you.
Them: Okay, I’ll get started. Please try to sign the contract later.
💭 Oh dear God.
On the flip side, someone came to ME asking for help. They were referred.
Me: Happy to talk with you about this. When are you available?
Them: Here’s my link to schedule time with me.
💭 I’m not scheduling time with you. You’re trying to schedule time with me.
Me: Just shoot me some times that work for you, and we’ll make it happen.
Them: Can you just use my link to see what I have available?
💭 I literally must be in the twilight zone. This goes on TWICE more.
Me: if you want to talk via phone, just shoot me a few dates / times that work for you (I’m EST zone) and we’ll make one of them happen. If not, that’s okay too.
We secure a date.
💭 See how SIMPLE this can be?
Bottom line: There’s a REASON Amazon dominates the online retail space.
They make it EASY to buy stuff. And people WANT shopping to be fun, even — dare I say it — a bit spontaneous.
If I have to jump through hoops to pay you money, I will buy from someplace else. Period. and always.
