REJECTED!!

Yep… I was contacted by Wife Swap and subsequently REJECTED! Well, not officially… I kind of eliminated myself! Let me tell you what happened.

A while back, on a “whim”, I sent a five line email to Wife Swap expressing my interest in being on the show. My reasoning? Simple. I could show them that there are some hip, cool homeschooling Mommas out there… nothing like the homeschoolers they portray on their show. (This was before I decided that my kids would go to private school this year!) I could show them that women could be successful in their careers or businesses AND nurturing and invested at home. Not like the EXTREME examples of “career women” and “home makers” they portray.

Anyway, much to my surprise, they called me several weeks ago and I had my first “interview”. I think the producer was “sizing me up” as the “free to be you and me” type of homeschooler, whose kids had rather lenient guidelines regarding personal choices including what they eat, watch, etc. She kept “honing in” on the fact that my home seemed to have no “structure”, “budget” or “schedule”, so I was imagining the show sending over a very structured, very detailed home-maker who would give my hubby a break from his house-cleaning duties… HIS DREAM COME TRUE. =) I was getting nervous. This executive producer loved me. This may really happen.

THEN, she sent me the follow up and detailed application as well as “release” for them to to detailed background checks, criminal checks. As I looked it over, I realized that they would be checking with my high school friends, college friends regarding my past… and that of my husband.. doing criminal background checks on myself and members of my immediate and extended family. We would have to submit to FBI screening and drug tests, among other invasions of privacy! =) NOW… to be fair, I recognize that they need to provide for the safety of the children in these shows. I get that.. and I respect it.

But, seriously….where do you find families in which NO ONE has been arrested, charged or convicted of a felony? =) Do families like that really exist, or do I simply come from an unfortunate gene pool? =)

As I looked at this application, I began to consider all the juicy details their background check on MY family was likely to uncover:

** One family member in prison (wrongfully convicted and hopefully soon to be released via Governor pardon, but still….) ** One family member currently “wanted” by the law in two states ** felony drug trafficking ** Mob contacts and affiliations ** Countless male cousins who are UNgainfully UNemployed ** Countless family members with arrests… thankfully most without actual convictions, many with jail time ** Domestic Violence ** Illicit affairs ** Murder ** Suicide **

I’m thinking they would just stop right there. And this is just what would show up on “paper” research… leaving out all they could find by digging around high school and college buddies! =)

As I pondered all that was likely to be exposed in this application process, I was reminded of something I said to a friend once about regret. It was this, “Everything that I have done…good and bad… they all make me who I am today. And I like me. So, no. I don’t regret a thing.”

But what about my family? Of course the sheer, unable- to- hide fascination I get from people who are willing to sit and listen to some of these stories is rewarding… as is the COMMON comment, “Michelle, you have got to write a book about all of this”.

But, my family is, well, my family. I love each and every one of them. Truthfully, my extended family could keep Oprah AND Dr. Phil busy for a year. Colorful? Yes. Supportive? We are thicker than theives- literally. =) A liability if I ever run for office? Most Definitely. But, my family is my family. They are my roots.. They are a part of me. No, they don’t all color “inside the lines”… and YES.. they kept me out of the Wife Swap Hall of Shame… But, I wouldn’t change a thing.

And besides… Chris would have fallen head over heels for the “other wife” who came over here… organized, cooking, cleaning, keeping a tight schedule and a tidy house… So, thanks anyway, Wife Swap!! This time, I am happy to be rejected! This time….