Quick reveal: I am slow to anger… having TRAINED myself to be slow to anger, to turn the other cheek, to ignore what I can when I can…. because I know the power of anger. I CAN BE caustic, when pushed (and pushed and pushed.) Know thyself, I suppose.
Some have confused my “learned and measured and practiced patience” as permission… to go further and further in their misbehavior… but these things don’t go on forever. =) Eventually…. I DO have what many refer to as a FTS moment… and clear up any confusion.
Eventually.
You know, when I’ve had ENUF. =)
When I’ve come to the very end of what I’m willing to tolerate, when I get to a spot that — frankly — I’m unwilling to LIVE in any more.
It’s THESE moments that have changed everything for me. And always in the best of ways.
In fact, this morning’s #EntrepreneurialEspresso was inspired by this fact. I asked our Women Who WOW members to join me in creating a collective FTS moment, where we declare NO MORE over a circumstance, a pattern, a “reality” that we are NO LONGER willing to tolerate.
Many have asked me about my fierce independence.
HOW did I get to the place where I honestly don’t CARE what anyone thinks of me? Where I am unapologetically willing — and PREFER — to bet on me, above any and every other option?
I have never given a completely honest answer, until now. I WAS born confident and raised to bet on me. But, my RUTHLESS and RELENTLESS self-reliance can be traced back to this,
to ONE true FTS moment…
that changed everything.
In college I was drowning in so many ways. I literally couldn’t sink low enough for anyone to notice. My light had long ago gone out, and yet…. no one came to inquire about it.
One day, I sat in my car and SCREAMED at the world, at God. I was FURIOUS. Furious that no one noticed. Furious that I didn’t DARE tell anyone how bad off I was. Furious that life had led me here. Furious at my circumstances. Furious that I was afraid. Furious enough to walk away… or die trying.
I wasn’t willing to live like this any more. So pitiful and alone and unseen. In THAT moment in my car, I took God’s outstretched hand and decided NO MORE.
I would no longer
EVER again
require human attention or affirmation.
I would NO LONGER look outside of myself for ANYTHING. Never again would I NEED something from someone else.
In that moment, I started digging my way out of a hole no one even knew I was in. I was never again the same person. I was stronger, more confident. Unafraid. Hardened, for sure. (In full disclosure, there are times I miss that tender girl that was…. and in some ways, I’m opening myself back up to her.) But that day, I had a moment, drew a line in the sand, and emerged from my car a new creation. The power of a FTS moment.
The power of a TRUE FTS moment.
Many ask me about my marriage. And I have an amazing marriage. DESPITE knowing that I am a hard woman to love. =) I require so much. Absolute freedom. (I can’t be hemmed in.) Absolute loyalty and trust. Sex. Friendship. Physical closeness, and yet a good deal of solitude. I need to be seen fully, and have my craziness respected even if not really understood. =) I DO require a lot. But I also give a lot.
Chris and I started strong. He saw me when no one else did. He is the man my Mom prayed for since I came into this world…. I have no doubt of that. But just because he’s my soul-mate, God-chosen, prayed up partner doesn’t mean it was all going to be roses.
My marriage went through an insanely rough few years. I dutifully endured. Practiced patience. Prayed. Believed. Trusted. Some things would get better, and then go back to the way they were. I was never abused or cheated on or anything like that, but my marriage was BARELY hanging on. I thought often of leaving, and few would have judged me harshly for it. But I’m stubborn and THIS was my love story, this man was my forever, this husband… was my home.
And one day…
I had that same FTS moment.
I drew MY line in the sand and let Chris know where it was. Like leaving the car that day in college, I emerged different. More determined. Stronger.
And my marriage grew deeper as we dug ourselves out of that dark season to create the marriage we now enjoy.
Righteous anger, I call it.
Also, in my less spiritual moments… a FTS moment. =)
I had the same in my business.
When I had been “enduring” the same monthly income for far too long. When I was disrespected by a long time client. (when I had private clients.) When I was challenged on my beliefs and how they impacted my business. (ummm… in EVERY way, as our beliefs literally form the CORE of who we are, how we show up, and what we expect!) Plus, I had a very big goal that I was FAILING at… miserably.
It was a bad week. lol…
And in one moment,
that FTS energy showed up again.
Fueled by an ANGER that raged against the status quo, enraged by the thought of going even ONE MORE day at this level of mediocrity, I drew my line in the sand.
I fired the client.
And made plans to get rid of ALL my clients.
I wrote out a new vision for my business, undeterred by what many would consider a “too aggressive” approach or too lofty of goals.
I stood up in that moment,
emerging from my office — again — a new creation.
I — and my business — have never been the same since.
This IS the upside of righteous anger,
when it RAGES against what you should NOT be willing to tolerate… when it increases your temperature to such a degree that you literally CAN NOT REMAIN where you are, when it FORCES you out of the circumstances you have known, when it COMPELS you
to stand up and walk away….
from what you have known
and into the future
that you were BORN FOR.
So, what do you NEED to declare FTS over today?
Where do you need to STOP tolerating?
What do you need to get MAD ENOUGH ABOUT to leave behind…. for good?
P.S. Decisive intolerance is a critical component of success, by the way. So, if you have been enduring a business that is mediocre in income, a business that — frankly — is well below what you KNOW you were born for… if you are ready to GO BIG — entirely on your own terms…. if the “local sand box” no longer lights you up, and if you were honest, it never did…. if you want to be KNOWN, FOLLOWED and paid what you are WORTH,
Message me.
NOW is the time.
To walk away,
to step up,
to rise and declare.
And I have something special to offer you.
