We all know that woman who’s always in phenomenal shape. Or that couple who just seems to have passion, patience and love that we’d do a LOT to have even a taste of. Or that person who is constantly getting the press we want, or the family who always seems to have plenty of whatever they desire and require… that friend who’s house is always “just so,” or whatever.
By the way, I FIRMLY believe and will never be convinced otherwise that JEALOUSLY ONLY arises when we see something that should (and of course COULD) be ours. Moving on…
Because we all see and know these people who have it together in one area of their lives, we also know we’re probably that person for someone else.
For instance, I have a ton of faults.
I’m disorganized, last minute, messy.
I have ZERO sense of style.
I eat too much.
I’m stubborn.
My house looks like a train wreck on a lot of days.
I’m not easy to love… “an acquired taste” I’ve been called.
I’m also — for some — hard to like.
I’m intolerant of sloth, excuses and superfluous noise.
And THIS is just scratching the surface.
Still, I know that a lot of people reference Chris and I with the hashtag #couplegoals. And, we DO have something pretty incredible going on over here… something magical, something that is so abundant in all the ways… something that makes me — frankly— just glad to be a woman. But also, there’s something else going on here. Something that makes THIS KIND of marriage and partnership and love story a reality.
There’s a behind the scenes reel.
AS THERE IS FOR EVERY SINGLE THING
GOING REALLY “RIGHT”
IN ANY AREA
OF ANY PERSON’S LIFE.
That’s where I want to go today. This is not a lesson in jealousy or gratitude, but — you know — acknowledge the jealousy as a LIGHT being shined on what’s possible for you and also, of course, be grateful.
But THIS article is about looking for clues for how to make ANY thing in your life go “right.”
Example: I have a hot marriage. We are best friends, lovers and champions of each other. We are ONE, absolutely united. We stand together, prefer each other’s company over any other person, and have a lot of things going WELL for us.
Of course, we also endured some tougher times, a L-O-N-G season of a VERY tough time. Regardless of the season, though… here are the six things that were and are ALWAYS TRUE.
- Priority
- A certain level of intolerance
- Daily Habits
- Investment
- Allowing
- Rest
Priority.
Our marriage, our relationship, our sex life and our friendship was and is ALWAYS a priority. We never viewed “us” as something we’d get to later, or attend to when things “calmed down.” We didn’t take fancy vacations to escape, but REGULARLY invested in time alone, we put the kids to bed early ALWAYS….. and we protected our “us” time from anything that may infringe on it.
Priority… that is what keeps your friend in hot shape, or her house in perfect order. She makes nutrition and fitness a PRIORITY. There are certain things she never does, certain things she always does and certain excuses that are never made, because of the PRIORITY given to her body.
A Certain Level of Intolerance.
No matter how “bad” our marriage got, and it got bad enough to consider divorce… we never allowed CERTAIN things to happen.
We still had amazing sex.
We still slept in the same bed.
We never gave up the STANDARD of what our marriage could be.
We never considered “settling” for some contract-based, joy-robbing, romance-free, sexless, agreement of a partnership.
We weren’t where we could have been, but we NEVER lost sight of what we WANTED. We had a high standard and were INTOLERANT of anything less than that.
In fact, many of our fights were over exactly this… we were NOT the couple we could have been. We didn’t fight over money or sex or other people. We fought over the disparity between where we WERE and where we SHOULD have been.
The friend with the hot body… she wouldn’t TOLERATE an extra 15 pounds, it is UNACCEPTABLE to her.
side note: You often “get” what you will willingly accept.
Daily habits.
In any area of your life that is an area you’re PROUD of, there are daily habits at play. Fitness, finances, marriage, friendship, housekeeping, whatever.
If you want to improve ANY area of your life, DAILY attention will be given to it. PERIOD. Whoever’s body or home or marriage or money or business you’re looking at as the “gold standard,” got that way and stays that way due to daily habits.
Giving, or Investment.
That area of your life that is going really well right now? Well, it’s fueled by something. You’re GIVING something to that area of your life. Plain and simple…
So if you want to TRANSFER success to another area of your life, you’ll have to GIVE something: Time, effort, risk, vulnerability. Something.
Allowing / Receiving.
When something is going really RIGHT in your life, in mine.. or in hers, you can be assured that she NATURALLY allows and receives that sort of outcome.
In other words, her subconscious isn’t fighting against her stated goals.
I can tell you that this is a huge thing. Do you SAY you want an amazing relationship, but then seem to attract all the wrong guys? Do you say you want to be a millionaire, but then keep finding yourself barely making ends meet? Do you SAY you want a hot body, but keep gaining and losing the same 30 pounds?
If so, it’d be worth journaling on WHY YOU MAY **NOT** WANT THAT GOAL TO HAPPEN FOR YOU. Sounds counterproductive but it’s the opposite. Maybe you’re resisting wealth because of all the crap you heard growing up about rich people. (or maybe you fear “upsetting” the current balance in your marriage? ) Maybe you’re resisting losing weight because you fear it makes you vulnerable in some other area of your life. Journal it out to identify the beliefs that are FIGHTING against your willingness to allow or receive what you want.
Finally…
Rest in Blessing (God’s) & Gratitude.
The first five things are things you can absolutely control. They are what i call “your part.” But the sixth is God’s part. The sixth thing is just being grateful to a God that can do immeasurably more than you could ever think or imagine or dARE to ask for.
I know that somehow God brought me to Chris…
and also that somehow our very souls were knit together.
I rest knowing that I’m not in control of a lot
and that God DESIRES to bless me the same way I desire to bless my own kids.
So, if you are looking at ONE area of your life that have you “locked down” and it is going really well…. please know that with these six commitments, you can transfer that success to ANY area of your life.
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