The part of me that I fear is unlikeable.
The part of me that keeps me quiet in group gatherings.
For fear she’ll slip out, and be seen.
Like a skeleton falling out of a closet.
The same part of me…
that drives me to succeed.
I found this picture yesterday, looking for something else.
I’m not sure if you can see it,
in my 20-year old eyes.
The utter restlessness…
the restlessness that I described my freshman year as a “restless and stationary pursuit.”
I think the problem was…
pursuit of WHAT?
I sure didn’t know.
I wasn’t in pain.
I had no traumas.
no secret shames.
my home was healthy and loving and affirming.
My parents seemed to have known,
intuitively, instinctively,
to let me grow….
not to attempt to “hem me in.”
But, I OFTEN felt restless.
Like a horse,
wild eyed,
and ready to run…
but bridled…
with a bit in my mouth
a bit that was of my own making…
because i KNEW me.
Certainly by the time THIS picture was taken…
I knew me.
I knew the raw, the wild, the untamable me.
I knew how far I could go…
how far I WOULD go…
how defiant I was.
how determined.
how capable.
The desires,
and fires inside of me…
I knew,
would need to be managed.
I knew that if I could HARNESS what was inside of me,
that I could do and be anything.
I also knew that if I didn’t…
if I didn’t reign in and channel the FIRE in my belly…
it could spell trouble.
I was wild at heart, but also wise,
in an “old soul” kind of way…
So, I deliberately held myself back…
which many who knew me then would be surprised to hear.
From the outside, I certainly didn’t LOOK like I was taming myself… holding back in any way.
But I was always measured… deliberate…
always conscious of my own sharp edge.
I held back because I didn’t know what else to do.
It wasn’t until I found the world of business that I realized what I was born for…
to empower women through entrepreneurship.
it wasn’t until I found THIS that I knew where all of my fire could go, without causing damage.
And it’s this drive,
this adrenaline seeking me
that I STILL try to hide.
I’m still restless.
driven beyond what is reasonable.
Beyond what is considered “acceptable.”
I sleep well, but need little sleep.
I am at my BEST when My back is against a wall.
I am an expert marksman
and can hold my own in a fight.
I keep my mind and reflexes sharp, always.
My mind is CONSTANTLY at work…
scanning for opportunities,
alert to threats.
Always, always,
roaming.
Creating.
Dreaming.
This has not always been an easy thing to accept,
let alone EMBRACE about myself.
So,
I still find myself trying to soften it in public…
in front of civilians, always.
I reign her in when exchanging pleasantries with other women… even MOST women entrepreneurs.
Because I know that THIS fire…
THIS drive,
is not universally understood.
It is a drive,
an edge,
a cutting force,
that isn’t universally accepted as a “good thing.”
Maybe especially for a woman.
Which is why a created a community,
a world I guess..
a HABITAT for other women like me.
Women with a FIRE in their belly,
a DRIVE to create something BEYOND themselves,
to make a LASTING impact on their world…
women who go BEYOND “average”
because they just can’t NOT do this.
It is who they are.
Who WE are.
Women who don’t settle for status quo.
Women who stand UP, stand OUT, and stand PROUD,
women who aren’t afraid to admit
to themselves,
and to the world
that they are UP to something,
something “unreasonable.”
Women who are restless…
because there’s something inside of them
that’s bigger than them.
This world is called Women Who WOW. And if you are NOT yet a part of it, but resonate with this post, message me to get in. We have a members only training next week that will CHANGE EVERYTHING in your business and you don’t want to miss it.
